Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Saving Your Marriage In The Midst Of Conflict

Conflicts can be heart breaking in a marriage relationship. You exchange unkind words, say things that you may not mean later but words said is irrevocable sometimes. How to find ways to save your marriage from that constant conflicts, quarrels and arguments which just tend to pull the marriage apart?

It is strange in a relationship. People are continually changing. And when both changes, the effort to cope with those changes, affect the marriage relationship. Yet, the stability of the marriage can only be found amidst continuous changes in the marriage.

Why do I say that we go through changes? Well, in your first to third year of marriage, do you feel that it is a "Honeymoon" period with little disagreements? Starting from your 2nd year to 7th year, the couple tend to compromise. This is the "compromise stage". And, in the compromise stage, if disappointments and conflicts are not handled carefully, resentment would set in, which would lead to large disagreements and ultimately divorce! Let find out ways to save a marriage in the midst of conflict.

Attitudes in dealing with conflicts

Respect one another - Both husband and wife have equal rights and should try to meet each other's needs. No one is superior or inferior than the other. We should adopt a "I am open to resolve the conflict in a loving way" attitude.

Be Flexible to compromise with one another - When you are with someone who really dislike what we like, the overall enjoyment is lowered. Happiness is a combination of personal happiness and the other person's happiness as well. Therefore, save your marriage by being flexible to trade off with one another. The couple take turns, making exchanges.

Listen objectively to one another - Conflicts arises when one spouse constatly talks more than the other and dominates the conversation. One good way of resolving it is to have a more structured communication.

Accept one another - Always strive to accept one another. You may not accept his / her actions but accept the person for who he/she is.

Hope this will help you in some way to help give you ways to save a marriage. Seek help if you need to or are facing any abuse. Help is always all ears away and a phone call away... Take care.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Steps To Save A Marriage When Only One Spouse Wants To Save It

What do we do when we are the only one spouse that wants to save the marriage? There are many ways to save a marriage if both parties work together to make the marriage work, but what are ways to save a marriage if my other partner does not want to?

While it may seem almost impossible to think that a marriage can be saved through the efforts of a single spouse especially in cases where the other has little or no motivation to try and fix the relationship, or worse, when he or she is determined to end it, let us start off by being positive emotionally and find realistic ways to save the marriage.

The odds are not overwhelmingly against reconciliation, unlike what so many are led to believe.

The first step for the spouse trying to make things right is to look at what is most important in our lives for the couple. Clear your mind of the negative feelings and look at the relationship in the right perspective. Whether it be years, months, or a matter of weeks, remember all the important moments that the couple has shared moments of happiness and passion together.

Communicate your thoughts kindly. There are too many couples guilty of this mistake to believe and expect their spouse to know what they are thinking, to recognize their wants, needs, issues and such, and act accordingly. Nobody can read the other person's mind even if you have been together for the last 20 years. Communicate and express yourself by letting the other person know your feelings rather that your demands and rights.

If there is a need look at oneself for change. It is always easy to blame the other party and demand the rightful change in the other party without changing our attitudes and behavior first. Look at oneself and see if there are things that are irritants to the other party and make plans to change that behavior or habit. Tell your spouse that you are sorry and are making that change to save the marriage. We cannot expect our other spouse to change without first changing ourselves first.

Get support from friends, counselors, pastors and relatives. Help is a call away whether it may be a credible or professional advice from a save marriage agency.

Through patience and determination and most importantly prayer to God in faith, efforts of one spouse can turn a bad marriage around. With this, despite the 50-50 division in power, there will be no question whose side has the overwhelming advantage in a troubled marriage.